Solo Dates & Healing Abandonment Fears

I used to think going on a solo date meant I was lonely or desperate — like the people around me would whisper, “She must have no one.” But what if being alone isn’t something to fear, but something to celebrate?

In the middle of last year, I started taking myself out on dates. It began simple and lowkey: I’d go to the park, bring my lunch and my journal, and sit where there weren’t too many people around — you know, so they couldn’t whisper about me. (LOL.)

Then I slowly started venturing to the library. I’d find a table or a beanbag tucked in the back and enjoy my reading. Eventually, I worked up the courage to take myself out to eat. Dine in — yes, really!

Now, this absolutely terrified me. But I told myself, What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe people would stare or whisper — but they’d never actually say anything to me. Or, hey, maybe someone would even offer to pay for my meal. So I put on a halfway decent outfit and sat at the bar. My heart was pounding the whole time, but I placed my first drink order and owned my space.

I left that dinner feeling GREAT. I was so proud of myself for sitting through the entire meal, barely touching my phone, just taking in the environment and being present in the moment. Nobody paid for my meal (lol), but honestly, it was still a huge win in my book.

Healing After Heartbreak

When my ex and I broke up, we tried that “let’s try to be friends” stage — but we all know how that goes. I noticed the way he treated me changed, and I kept convincing myself that eventually, he’d go back to who he used to be. But looking back now, I realize that was just me trying to hold on to a relationship that wasn’t coming back.

I wasn’t ready — not ready to accept that the way he was treating me now was the reality, and the version of him I was hoping would return, never will. I had to ask myself: Is this really the kind of treatment I would accept from anyone? Especially someone who once treated me like a princess? OH WELL!!!

At first, healing looked like simply getting out of bed without crying or making it through a lunch break without tearing up. Now, healing looks like getting dressed up and going to dinner or heading to the gym after a long day of work.

I noticed that the more I focused on myself, the better I felt. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is give ourselves the love we’re so desperately craving. I wanted to feel seen and understood in that last relationship — so I decided to put all my energy into truly seeing and understanding myself.

Going on these cute, no-matter-how-little solo dates helped me realize something big: I’m just a little girl inside, scared of everyone leaving her… but I’m also an empowered woman who knows she doesn’t need anyone but herself. I am enough.

10 Healing Solo Date Ideas

If you’re wondering how to start pouring love into yourself, here are a few solo date ideas that helped me reconnect with me:

✨ Picnic in the Park
Pack your favorite snacks, a cozy blanket, and a journal or book. Let yourself daydream under the trees — no phone, no pressure.

✨ Solo Movie Night at the Theater
Dress up a little, go see a movie you’ve been dying to watch, and splurge on popcorn or candy. You’ll realize you don’t need company to enjoy the full experience.

✨ Coffee Shop & Creative Time
Bring your journal, sketchbook, or laptop to a cute local café. Spend an hour people-watching, doodling, or writing whatever’s on your heart.

✨ Dreamy Shopping Date
Hit the shops alone, even if it’s just window shopping. Try on outfits, test perfumes, or browse home decor — remind yourself you deserve to explore beauty for yourself, not just for others.

✨ Sunset Walk or Drive
Pick your favorite walking trail or driving route, pop in a playlist that makes you feel free, and soak in the golden hour. This is your soft main-character moment.

✨ Solo Dinner at a Restaurant
Take yourself to a spot you’ve always wanted to try. Bring a book, or just enjoy the art of savoring your meal without rushing.

✨ Bookstore or Library Wander
Spend time slowly browsing, reading snippets, or picking out something just for fun. Let yourself wander with curiosity.

✨ At-Home Spa Night
Put on a face mask, deep condition your hair, light candles, and turn your bathroom into a little sanctuary. Play soft music and melt into the ritual.

✨ Class or Workshop Alone
Sign up for a pottery class, yoga session, or cooking workshop — something you’ve wanted to try but maybe hesitated because you didn’t have a buddy.

✨ Photo Walk Adventure
Take your phone or camera and explore your neighborhood or city like a tourist. Snap photos of flowers, architecture, or little details you’d normally overlook. Celebrate the beauty around you.

My Personal Favorites

Of all these solo dates I especially love sunset walks. When I’m walking, I’m either listening to gospel music or nothing at all. I love being present with my surroundings, whether it’s in my neighborhood or at the beach. During these moments, I feel centered and connected — I reflect on my day, decompress, talk with God, sing, or simply tune into whatever my heart needs. It’s been such a huge part of my self-realization and healing journey.

Your Challenge This Week

I challenge you to find something that makes you feel connected, centered, empowered, and loved. Go on one of these solo dates — or create one of your own. While you’re there, take space. Think about how you feel in the moment.

Then, afterward, journal about the experience:

• How did you feel while you were there?

• How do you feel now that it’s done?

Start doing this at least once a week and see how your journey unfolds.

Reach out and share your experiences — I’d love to hear them!! Tell me which date you chose, how you felt, and whether you’d do it again. I want to read it all.

Until next week… Love you, Queen!! 💖